Australia

apple sauce

horse

She's a great little apple sauce.

steak and kidney

Sydney

We are off to steak and kidney!

Johnny Horner

corner

He's just gone round the Johnney Horner.

dead horse

tomato sauce

What this needs is a bit of dead horse.

brave and bold

cold

It's really brave and bold today.

Johnny Raper

paper

Nip down to the newsagent and get a Johnny Raper.

Dalai Lamas

dramas

Hey, no Dalai Lamas

bag of fruit

suit

All dressed up in your best bag of fruit.

blood blister

sister

How's your little blood blister?

Captain Cook

look

Well, take a Captain Cook.

curry and rice

price

What's the curry and rice?

dodge and shirk

work

I'm off to dodge and shirk.

dog and bone

phone

Can you get that dog and bone?

forgive & forget

cigarette

What I wouldn't give for a forgive and forget.

Fred Astair

lair (a show off)

He's a real Fred Astair.

frog and toad

road

Goodbye, must hit the frog and toad.

Germain Greer

beer

A Germain Greer would really hit the spot.

grim and gory

story

What a great grim and gory.

honky tonk

plonk (cheap wine)

Get a couple of bottles of honky tonk.

Jimmy Dancer

cancer

Did you hear that Harry's got the Jimmy Dancer?

Joe Blake

snake

Watch out for the Joe Blakes.

kitchen sink

drink

I could really do with a kitchen sink.

laughs & smiles

piles

It's not funny. I've got the laughs and smiles.

lemon squash

wash

I'd better give the car a bit of a lemon squash.

mud pies

eyes

She has beautiful mud pies.

Mutt and Jeff

deaf

What's wrong with you? Are you Mutt and Jeff?

nails and screws

news

Got any nails and screws?

near and far

bar

Meet you at the near and far at 6.

optic nerve

perv (pervert)

He's definitely an optic nerve.

Pat Malone

alone

I'm all on my Pat Malone.

Noah's ark

shark

Look out for the Noah's arks at Bondi

plates of meat

feet

Oh, my aching plates of meat!

tit for tat (titfer)

hat

I think you should wear your titfer.

pig's arse

glass

Want a pig's arse?

rock and lurch

church

See you at the rock and lurch on Sunday.

billy/tin lids

kids

How many billy lids you got?

septic tank

yank

That Bill Clinton, he's a septic tank.

smash and grab

cab

Would you call for a smash and grab?

tea leaf

thief

You bl**** tea leaf!

trouble and strife

wife

How's the trouble and strife these days?

young and frisky

whisky

I'll have a young and frisky.

Werris Creek

leak

I need to go for a Werris Creek

Bruce Reed

feed

I think I'll have a bit of a Bruce Reed

dog's eye

meat pie

That was a great dog's eye!

Zane Grey

pay

Can't buy much with the old Zane Grey these days.

Gregory Peck

cheque

I sent you the Gregory Peck!

butcher's hook

look

Take a butcher's!

Oxford scholar

dollar

It's just an Oxford scholar

Al Capone

phone

Will you get that Al capone for me?

dog's eye and dead horse

pie and sauce

I'll have a dog's eye and dead horse.

Peter Mertens

curtains

How are the Poms looking Shirl? It's Peter Mertens for em luv! (we are talking cricket!)

John Dory

story

What's the John Dory?

china plate

mate

How's me old china?

trick cyclist

psychiatrist

Have to go. Got an appointment with the trcik cyclist.

rubbidy dub

pub

I'm meeting them down at the rubbidy.

cherry plum

mum

I love my cherry plum

cheese and kisses

missus

How's the cheese and kisses?

Malcolm Blight

light

I really need a Malcolm Blight for my ciggy

on the beak

reek (stink)

You're on the beak a bit mate

Mars bar

car

I think I'll get a new Mars bar

Bugs Bunny

money

Got any Bugs Bunny?

wooden pegs

legs

She had a great pair of wooden pegs

canoes

shoes

New canoes?

hollow log

dog

Is the hollow log back from the vet yet?

ballarat

hat

Nice ballarat!

boat race

face

She has nice legs, shame about the boat race

Barry Crocker

shocker

Well! That was a real Barry Crocker.

Ruben Wiki

Sickie

I not working today, I'm having a Ruben Wiki

Paul Keating

meeting

Let's have a Paul Keating this arvo

Rod Laver

favour

Do us a rod Laver will you mate?

Gary Abblett

tablet

I'm feeling crook, might have to take a Gary Abblett

Victor Trumper

jumper

Its bit cold, think I'll wear my Victor Trumper

Old Ned

bed

Think I'll be off to Old Ned

Rocky Ted

head

Be careful, don't bump your Rocky Ted

Piccadilly

chilly

It's really Piccadilly today

Rock 'n' Roll

dole

Are you getting the rock 'n' roll

Onkaparingas

fingers

Why don't you use your Onkaparingas

Dog and bone

phone

That'll be the dog and bone Mabel

Pat Malone

alone

All on her Pat Malone

Near and far

bar

I'm off to the near and far

Wally Grout

shout

Your Wally Grout

Norman von Nida

spider

Look out! It's a Norman von Nida

Monkey's arses

glasses

Anyone seen my monkeys

Reg Grundies

undies

Don't forget to wear your clean Reg Grundies

Apples & pears

stairs

Not more apples and pears!

Sky rocket

pocket

Put THAT in your sky rocket

Eau de cologne

phone

Get off that eau de cologne

Warwick Farms

underarms

Bit of deodorant for the Warwick Farms